I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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