if only i could text you this smell
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
