you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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