I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i think my cat just said my name.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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