I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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