i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
