at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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