two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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