Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
