Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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