Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
