I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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