She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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