Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
