Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
