i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
