he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
BRING THE BAGELS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
