i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
