Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Randomize
