I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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