I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
