She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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