I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
