And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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