Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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