I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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