Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
