Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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