So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
