I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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