loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
