I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
