I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
