Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize