I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
