I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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