The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
