I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
