why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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