these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
