i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
