Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
only if we run a train.
done.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
