found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
