no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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