I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
