I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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