Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
