It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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