Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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