You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
