oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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