Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
