just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
