That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
