wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Shame is for Republicans.
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