Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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