Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
