I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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