My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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