Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
