we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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