Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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