It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
