Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
