Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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