Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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