Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I want a musical about memes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
