I didn't shave. On purpose
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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