What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
