Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
