Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
