So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
