i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
