I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
