So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
