im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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