I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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