Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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