you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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