there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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