In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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