How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
